Captains Fantastic

i was just reading an article on the Herald site about how injured Richie McCaw flew with the airforce and theres a lovely little photo of his smiling face.
i will regularly mention that hes the man i am going to marry - and yes, this girl will be holding out hope til the day she dies.

but hang on one moment!
Richie is not the first All Black Captain that i wouldnt kick out of bed for farting. most of the other captains are hotties in their own right. Its not just the jersey!

and just further to all that ...i'm sure most of you have received the Chuck Norris emails. Well I received this Richie McCaw version from a friend today. I passed it round the office and most found it pretty funny so I thought I'd share it with those of you who haven't been forwarded it yet.

1. When Richie McCaw goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets
Richie McCaw'ed.

2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet
for Richie McCaw.

3. Richie McCaw counted to infinity - twice.

4. Richie McCaw invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

5. When Richie McCaw does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

6. Richie McCaw hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

7. Richie McCaw gave Mona Lisa that smile.

8. Richie McCaw can slam a revolving door.

9. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Richie McCaw can piss his name into concrete.

10. Richie McCaw once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

11. Richie McCaw's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Richie McCaw.

12. Richie McCaw can speak Braille.

13. Richie McCaw's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

14. Superman owns a pair of Richie McCaw pyjamas.

15. Richie McCaw owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1993 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

16. Richie McCaw sleeps with a night light. Not because Richie McCaw is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Richie McCaw.

17. Richie McCaw doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

18. Once a cobra bit Richie McCaw's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

19. Richie McCaw divides by zero.

20. Richie McCaw is always on top during s*x because Richie McCaw never f***s up.

21. When Richie McCaw exercises, the machine gets stronger.

22. Richie McCaw doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

23. Richie McCaw sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Richie spear-tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should
have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

24. Richie McCaw can kill two stones with one bird.

25. Richie McCaw once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

26. Richie McCaw once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Sh***ing bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

27. The only time Richie McCaw was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

theres a few more really funny comments on the Rugby Roundtable

the real kiwi test?

this has got to be one of the funniest and most addictive things i have done all ... day.

the automobile driving manual says that the average drivers reaction time is .75 seconds or 1 car length for every 16kmph. test your average reaction time;
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

oliver driver and friend in a scene from kiwi horror film 'black sheep'

Farmer Brown was so proud of his shiny new tractor

my mate boogie. farmer brown at heart alright. at mystery creek field days near hamilton.

insults for today

today is a good day to celebrate insults, especially ones with a sneaky little profanity.

i've got that kind of work on at the moment where you want to bang your head against the desk at odd moments through out the day. luckily, i have an escape in that i can work from home. in my 'jamas if needs be. i'm not complaining about the work - in fact i am really enjoying it. but part of the day is spent juggling tasks and calls and different projects and following process and on and on ...... the paperwork only gets done towards the end of the day and into the evening.
of course the irritation with persons and things could be due to the excessively strong espressos i have during the day. is probably also the reason that it takes me ages to get to sleep at the moment.
i think this post could be sponsored by fixd cafe. in a good way. fresh beans! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

.. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
.. Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
.. I'm blonde, whats your excuse?
.. Damn not you again.......
.. If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
.. He would be out of his depth in a puddle.
.. I'm not mean ... you're just a sissy.
.. How about a game of hide and go fuck yourself?

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

bad Apple

am i the only one who doesnt give a shit about the iPhone and who couldnt care less how much Vodafone New Zealand is selling its data plans for? the link goes to the Herald blog site regarding opinions on the pricing. for gods sake .. if you dont like it - dont buy it!!

seriously ... standing in line for more than 24 hours in the middle of winter outside a store??
http://gizmodo.com/5022869/this-may-be-the-first-man-on-the-planet-to-get-an-iphone-3g

this ASSHOLE needs the bash

tony veitch. 'alleged' woman basher.

prick should lose his job. hear that TVNZ!
clint brown paid the price for a punch in the nose - tony veitch deserves that and more for kicking a woman in the back and into a wheelchair for months. and in the head too apparently!

i now hear that he has resigned - or stepped down temporarily. someone should step ON him and permanently!

edit :. 09/07/2008
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10520758
he admitted it. he apologised for it. good for him.

Cozzie Poker Tour - Tour 1

cossies poker tour was a total success and a bloody good way to spend monday nights during winter.

each week, the venue would rotate between the players and the host was to provide dinner and beers (or red wine for me).

our patron of poker - mr cozzie

last night was the final round - Round 10 - and it was held at the grumbles house.
i provided the dinner, as my house is wayyyy too small for all that poker testosterone, and away we went.

a spectacular dinner - by me!

aslan and gavin (grumble) - number 2 and number 1 for round 10

final results for Tour One :

1. Cozzie (24 points)
2. Goldfish (34 points)
3. Barron (36 points)
4. Grumble (37 points)
5. River Phoenix (38 points)
6. Scum (43 points)
7. Tara (47 points)
8. Aslan (51 points)
9. Russell (52 points)

10. Dazza (63 points)

round two invitations - courtesy of the extremely busy when hes working from home in his underpants, mr grumble campbell.

dive! dive! dive!

i started my divemaster course today.

i was planning on taking the rest of january off when nell and i got back from south america - but certain property purposes whilst i was away meant i had to get my unemployed ass into employment as soon as possible.
leigh and i were going to spend a month up in tutukaka doing the course full time when andrew and anna were working there, but now that they are back down in auckland and working at Global Dive (westhaven marina), squidleigh and i are going to do the course now, together and with them. woooooo! plan the dive and dive the plan?? something like that.
squidleigh got his dive name through a very unfortunate incident on our advanced open water course. i think its a whole nother blog entirely. in fact, just about everyone we know has dive names.

advanced open water dive course, poor knights, december 2006
squidleigh on the left, me (chichi) on the beanbag and anna (sensei) our instructor on the right

january would have been a much better time to do it - considering new zealand is right in the middle of the icy grip of winter. luckily enough for me, the first round is an open water course being held in the heated olympic pool in newmarket.
and i want to give the big ups to mr cossie who managed to collect my dive computer after it had its battery replaced (nearly three months ago). luckily he works near the shop - cos i am too unorganised to do it myself!
so here we go .... PADI Divemaster! the next button on the list.

PADI Divemaster Course Details

Your adventure into the professional levels of recreational diving begins with the PADI Divemaster program. Working closely with a PADI Instructor, in this program you expand your dive knowledge and hone your skills to the professional level. PADI Divemaster training develops your leadership abilities, qualifying you to supervise dive activities and assist instructors with student divers.

During the PADI Divemaster program, you learn dive leadership skills through both classroom and independent study. You complete water skills and stamina exercises, as well as training exercises that stretch your ability to organize and solve problems. You put this knowledge into action through an internship or series of practical training exercises.

• Knowledge Development: 12 topics ranging from dive theory to assisting student divers in training
• Prerequisites: PADI Advanced Open Water Diver (or qualifying certification from another training organization), PADI Rescue Diver (or qualifying certification from another training organization), 20 logged dives, 18 years old.
• Minimum Number of Logged Dives: 60 for certification as PADI Divemaster

running with scissors

i was asked a really interesting question yesterday - could i think of three reasons that aoldescents were committing more and more 'adult crimes". i can definitely think of three and they all focus around what i perceive as the difference between growing up now and when i was an adolescent ...

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We brushed our teeth with toothpaste from lead tubes.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a ute on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate pikelets, white bread and real butter and drank Mello Yello made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms……. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

CONGRATULATIONS sarah and andy!

my absolute lovelies are engaged since the evening of saturday 12 may.

i got a call while i was in the supermarket buying wine, so i bought a little bit more just to celebrate. i am super super super stoked for them and cant wait to maid of honour at the wedding in 2-3 years (although i would put money on it being sooner)
however, i will not wear pink, lilac or any other pastel colour! but i will get drunk and make fabulous speeches.

now i have lots of maidy duties to look forward to - including, helping the bride choose her dress, helping the bride consume vast quantities of champagne, presenting the bride with her wedding cutout scrap book, slapping the bride when she turns into a monster.

love you darlings!

mood : super stoked and slightly tiddly

tuesday is mondays evil cousin

i had a case of mondayitis yesterday - and i'm usually pretty even with my moods. it takes a lot to get me down. but before i knew what was happening to me, i was at the dairy around the corner buying a packet of timtams.

for anyone who knows me knows that spells trouble.
you see, i'm a bit of a food nazi and i dont really eat anything processed or junkie.

thank god for nell. she saved me from timtams with the best piece of comedy that i have seen .. ever. i kill you!



mood : rebellious

the most important question you will ever ask yourself

choo choo

the herald has a story today about the possibility that the government will buy back new zealands rail and ferry services. there is a $172 million dividend that can be used but at this stage the government and toll holdings are nearly $200 million apart on the final price.

i want them to find that money.

aside from the fact that utilising more rail services is pertinant to the government working to reduce greenhouse gas ommissions, think of all the other benefits.
1. transporting freight - rail is far more efficient - except when you are waiting at the crossing for all those carriages and containers to pass.
2. additional train services - additional employees required (we already have low unemployment - but hey!)
3. allow other companies to use the tracks bringing a new industry and competition into the mix.

my number one is scenic rail.
new zealand has un-real scenery. no one disputes that.
the rail tracks go through places you cant see from the road. but there are only a very small number of train journeys you can take - and thats for tourism and general getting-there-ness!
there is the auckland to wellington (the overlander) service. which is overpriced.
there are 2 trips you can take in the south island. the tranzcoastal from picton to christchurch and the tranzalpine between christchurch and greymouth. i havent travelled by train in the south island yet - so i cant comment on those.

i'm seeing the money earned from these types of scenarios being invested back into the rail and ferry system. and high speed electric trains better be next!

horrible person

i feel like a horrible horrible person.

yesterday i had to do something that i would rather i didnt have to do.
i had to tell one of my best friends that i wasnt in love with him.

telling another person that you dont feel the same way is devastating. and i know it is even more so for the person who has to hear it.
you think that telling him that i would always love him and still wanted to be the best of buds would make it easier. but no. its only easier for me. and still - not that much easier in the end!
dont you just wish that all breakups could by achieved by starting a fight and yelling and screaming? isnt verbal abuse just so much easier to give and take at a time like this?

so what now?
i need to give my friend time and space. i dont want to though! all i want is to hang out and laugh and talk just like nothing ever happened.
but thats going to have to wait a while. and i am going to have to get used to that fact.
and the fact that i feel like a horrible horrible person.

mood : melancholy

i will be half the woman i was

last year, i was asked to write a little article on my effort to lose weight. it was for one of new zealands fitness magazines but i am unsure as to why it was not published in the end.
over a two year period, i lost approximately 60 kilograms.
i'm still working towards my goal - 2 months in argentina eating steak and drinking red wine didnt help - and when i reach my goal, i will be half the woman i was.

i had always accepted that i would be one of the bigger girls.

the only time i ever thought that i could – and would be slim – was when i found out that i had polycystic kidney disease and i ended up in hospital.

after i got better and learnt to manage my illness, the weight piled back on.

i have been your classic yo-yo try-all-the-fads dieter.
i went to weight watchers – lost about 10 kgs and then gained about 20.
i went to jenny craig – lost about 22 kgs and then gained about 30.

back in june 2004 - i weighed alot. the only time I remember weighing myself, i was 147kg.
i know i got bigger after this, but i didn’t get on the scales again.
then at the end of that year, dan broke off our relationship and i realised exactly what i had done to myself.

i reduced my portion sizes, but started skipping meals. i was taking a thermogenic product as well as starting to walk to work and short distances.. not having a car helped.
i quickly understood that work was in walking distance and there were other ways of getting around however it was very easy to get disheartened as any exercise was really hard work and i was the only person that could motivate me.

and then people started to notice the changes in me.
and finally i started to notice the changes in me – more energy and a much happier outlook on life.

by may 2006, i had moved out of our old house and into a flatting situation and was making the most of only having to cook for one. this was good for me and i continued trying to lose weight by myself until the beginning 2007 when i realised that i was actually starting to put it back on again. at this stage, i was around 123kg. i had lost 24 kg (that i will admit - theres an ish in here of 10kg).

nell introduced me to kickboxing at a gym in town. i started attending the class 3 times a week and increased the other exercise that I was doing. i met angie matthews through the kickboxing class – and i found the motivation, support and knowledge that i needed to continue.

one of the first lessons that i learnt from angie is that good nutrition and supplementation is 80% of what you need to continue to lose weight.
in order to get the most from your supplementation, you must take the best supplements you can get your hands on. angie asked me to start keeping a food diary to understand what I was eating and doing each day. after completing this for a week or so, angie introduced me to GNLD.
now i'm not writing this blog to sell anything.
i just wanted to say how i deal with the fact that i have always been a big girl.

one of my oldest friends had the following things to say:
I’ve known Tara for more than 12 years.
Tara is the most intellectual, generous and thoughtful person I know.
I have always known Tara to be a confident person in both her personal and professional life. It was not until Tara starting losing the weight did I really notice how much happier inside she is.
I have seen Tara put herself through a staunch series of diet and exercise. And with the positive support of Angie and all her friends, Tara is achieving her goals.
I know that this is only the beginning for Tara. Now that she has changed her lifestyle there is no looking back. She will never be a yoyo again.
Tara has worked really hard and I am so proud of her and what she has achieved.

those jeans, i have still kept them.
those jeans, i can now fit both legs in where one went before.
those jeans, i jump up and down and they fall off.

and from here?
after losing weight in peru and bolivia, i put some on in argentina. but i am not too worried about that.
you need support. its a fact. i have joined weight watchers again with emma and her sister mandy. i have talked dan into joining les mills gym with me and i'm excited about their body combat classes. i even bought an exercycle for home and i still have my yoga dvds.
and i keep a food and training diary.
other than that, the rules are simple :
1. put less in. eat about 6 times a day but dont eat more than you need.
2. exercise more than you want to. my office is on the 5th floor. i hate the stairs but theres 100 of them and now i dont notice it until the 4th floor. soon it will be the 5th.
3. i'm not on a diet. i am in control of what i eat.
4. every day i tell myself i am fabulous. if i dont believe it, it doesnt matter what i look like - no one else will either.

its ongoing. some days are easier than others.
and i have my friends to thank for a lot.

photo published !!

i got a photo published - albeit online.

schamp have used a shot i took on tamaki drive on nells citizenship celebration night.

just as well i wasnt quite drunk yet.

http://www.schmap.com/auckland/tours_tour1/#p=29675&i=29675_2.jpg

whats the deal with poker

muwahahaha - i am so sad i am laughing at my own puns.
but after spending quite a bit of time waiting around for buses in the last few days, i have found an interesting way to amuse myself. i have become addicted to poker.
before i left home for south america, we played a little at a dinner party at my house. cossie tried to teach us betting and texas holdem.
then when we got to the secret garden at cotopaxi, the guys in our group played a lot. nell got into it too.
in cusco, we met stewart - who after being on his honeymoon for a year was using ladbrokes tournaments as time to get away.
now its me thats hooked ! cossie is teaching me more and more via gmail chat and is going to send me links to videos on youtube.
at least on facebook i am only playing with points. god help me when it becomes real money.

half time score

i cant believe that i am already basically half way through my south america trip.
time seems to fly when you are having fun.
and even on the times when you are not.

i have come to a couple of conclusions (and seeing i am stuck in uyuni, bolivia for an extra day) i thought it was time i wrote them down.

1. it is possible for a week (a day, a month) to be too touristy.
the thing about travelling is that you dont really give yourself a weekend. i try so hard to make each day worth it, and as i find i wish i had more time in each country, i dont really seem to take a rest. thats not good - i have started to take things a little more slowly so that i can appreciate what i am doing each day.

2. travelling 24/7 with a friend IS HARD. dont let anyone tell you any different. dont get me wrong, i love nell to pieces, but spending all day and all night together does get a little strained. i have decided to try and live by the rule - dont sweat the small stuff. sometimes you have to compromise and other times you just have to shut the hell up.

3. what did travellers do before facebook ?
everyone we meet (well just about) - ends a hangout period with the sentence ¨facebook me¨ or ¨i will facebook you¨ and its actually kinda helpful.
you do meet the same people again and again on the gringo trail and getting hints and helps about places to go and not to go is awesome. plus you can read what your travelmates are telling other peeps too.

my volkswagen rocks your effing socks .. b*tch!

i drive a MkIII Volkswagen Golf GTI and she is the apple of my eye.
i have owned her for nearly 2 years now - and i've done a little bit but nothing major to the engine.

i took my friend andy out to meet my friend leigh last night and they stood around looking at the engine and making a list. now some of it i understood and some of it just went right over the top of my head.

the boys are making a list for me - its a little different to the list that i had, so we will see which items are necessary and which ones are nice-to-haves.

my requirements are :
i want some more power and acceleration before 3500-4000rpm.
i want smoother acceleration - better response.
i would really like another 50bhp.
shes done 180,000ks and i would like another 100,000 at least from her.

my list was :
gearbox rebuild - fix 2nd gear synchro
extractors
cold air intake
port and polish the head

whats on the boys list :

gasket set for gearbox
clutch and flywheel
2nd gear synchro ring and hub
reverse gear
bearings
limited slip diff (bolt kit for diff)
cams
adjustable cam gears
front brakes and calipers (i would really like some AP racing brakes)
wheel bearings
front hubs
springs and shocks
rear sway bar
coldair intake
extractors
blueprint manifolds
tinted windows

nell made a comment on my blog about BMW driver training - can she have handlebars?
i think she might need more than that !

MAYHEM in 35 days !

its 35 days til we leave !!!

the time has just flown by. at almost this time exactly in 5 weeks, nell and i will be taking off on another chapter in the adventures of the International Women of Mayhem.

i'm in my office today finalising the last of the accommodation bookings, updating the trip budget and packing up my bookcase. its all too exciting for words but i shall try to convey exactly what i am thinking right now.

london and yorkshire are going to be cool as i get to see my brother and meet the new girl in his life. we also get to take mom under the channel to paris for her birthday.

the united states will be a blast. we'll get to run through central park as well as enjoy a real new york show. then after mercilessly teasing andrew (junior) we'll cut a swathe through vegas and new orleans and onto miami. we're both pretty good at being miami (sun, diving and drinking)

then the adventure starts ! the real challenges will be the language and roughing it a little.

but you know what i decided tonight ?
part of growing up is growing out - growing in experience, sensibility, knowledge of the world and knowledge of self - and exactly what i am capable of is only going to increase.