horrible person

i feel like a horrible horrible person.

yesterday i had to do something that i would rather i didnt have to do.
i had to tell one of my best friends that i wasnt in love with him.

telling another person that you dont feel the same way is devastating. and i know it is even more so for the person who has to hear it.
you think that telling him that i would always love him and still wanted to be the best of buds would make it easier. but no. its only easier for me. and still - not that much easier in the end!
dont you just wish that all breakups could by achieved by starting a fight and yelling and screaming? isnt verbal abuse just so much easier to give and take at a time like this?

so what now?
i need to give my friend time and space. i dont want to though! all i want is to hang out and laugh and talk just like nothing ever happened.
but thats going to have to wait a while. and i am going to have to get used to that fact.
and the fact that i feel like a horrible horrible person.

mood : melancholy