the most important question you will ever ask yourself

choo choo

the herald has a story today about the possibility that the government will buy back new zealands rail and ferry services. there is a $172 million dividend that can be used but at this stage the government and toll holdings are nearly $200 million apart on the final price.

i want them to find that money.

aside from the fact that utilising more rail services is pertinant to the government working to reduce greenhouse gas ommissions, think of all the other benefits.
1. transporting freight - rail is far more efficient - except when you are waiting at the crossing for all those carriages and containers to pass.
2. additional train services - additional employees required (we already have low unemployment - but hey!)
3. allow other companies to use the tracks bringing a new industry and competition into the mix.

my number one is scenic rail.
new zealand has un-real scenery. no one disputes that.
the rail tracks go through places you cant see from the road. but there are only a very small number of train journeys you can take - and thats for tourism and general getting-there-ness!
there is the auckland to wellington (the overlander) service. which is overpriced.
there are 2 trips you can take in the south island. the tranzcoastal from picton to christchurch and the tranzalpine between christchurch and greymouth. i havent travelled by train in the south island yet - so i cant comment on those.

i'm seeing the money earned from these types of scenarios being invested back into the rail and ferry system. and high speed electric trains better be next!

horrible person

i feel like a horrible horrible person.

yesterday i had to do something that i would rather i didnt have to do.
i had to tell one of my best friends that i wasnt in love with him.

telling another person that you dont feel the same way is devastating. and i know it is even more so for the person who has to hear it.
you think that telling him that i would always love him and still wanted to be the best of buds would make it easier. but no. its only easier for me. and still - not that much easier in the end!
dont you just wish that all breakups could by achieved by starting a fight and yelling and screaming? isnt verbal abuse just so much easier to give and take at a time like this?

so what now?
i need to give my friend time and space. i dont want to though! all i want is to hang out and laugh and talk just like nothing ever happened.
but thats going to have to wait a while. and i am going to have to get used to that fact.
and the fact that i feel like a horrible horrible person.

mood : melancholy

i will be half the woman i was

last year, i was asked to write a little article on my effort to lose weight. it was for one of new zealands fitness magazines but i am unsure as to why it was not published in the end.
over a two year period, i lost approximately 60 kilograms.
i'm still working towards my goal - 2 months in argentina eating steak and drinking red wine didnt help - and when i reach my goal, i will be half the woman i was.

i had always accepted that i would be one of the bigger girls.

the only time i ever thought that i could – and would be slim – was when i found out that i had polycystic kidney disease and i ended up in hospital.

after i got better and learnt to manage my illness, the weight piled back on.

i have been your classic yo-yo try-all-the-fads dieter.
i went to weight watchers – lost about 10 kgs and then gained about 20.
i went to jenny craig – lost about 22 kgs and then gained about 30.

back in june 2004 - i weighed alot. the only time I remember weighing myself, i was 147kg.
i know i got bigger after this, but i didn’t get on the scales again.
then at the end of that year, dan broke off our relationship and i realised exactly what i had done to myself.

i reduced my portion sizes, but started skipping meals. i was taking a thermogenic product as well as starting to walk to work and short distances.. not having a car helped.
i quickly understood that work was in walking distance and there were other ways of getting around however it was very easy to get disheartened as any exercise was really hard work and i was the only person that could motivate me.

and then people started to notice the changes in me.
and finally i started to notice the changes in me – more energy and a much happier outlook on life.

by may 2006, i had moved out of our old house and into a flatting situation and was making the most of only having to cook for one. this was good for me and i continued trying to lose weight by myself until the beginning 2007 when i realised that i was actually starting to put it back on again. at this stage, i was around 123kg. i had lost 24 kg (that i will admit - theres an ish in here of 10kg).

nell introduced me to kickboxing at a gym in town. i started attending the class 3 times a week and increased the other exercise that I was doing. i met angie matthews through the kickboxing class – and i found the motivation, support and knowledge that i needed to continue.

one of the first lessons that i learnt from angie is that good nutrition and supplementation is 80% of what you need to continue to lose weight.
in order to get the most from your supplementation, you must take the best supplements you can get your hands on. angie asked me to start keeping a food diary to understand what I was eating and doing each day. after completing this for a week or so, angie introduced me to GNLD.
now i'm not writing this blog to sell anything.
i just wanted to say how i deal with the fact that i have always been a big girl.

one of my oldest friends had the following things to say:
I’ve known Tara for more than 12 years.
Tara is the most intellectual, generous and thoughtful person I know.
I have always known Tara to be a confident person in both her personal and professional life. It was not until Tara starting losing the weight did I really notice how much happier inside she is.
I have seen Tara put herself through a staunch series of diet and exercise. And with the positive support of Angie and all her friends, Tara is achieving her goals.
I know that this is only the beginning for Tara. Now that she has changed her lifestyle there is no looking back. She will never be a yoyo again.
Tara has worked really hard and I am so proud of her and what she has achieved.

those jeans, i have still kept them.
those jeans, i can now fit both legs in where one went before.
those jeans, i jump up and down and they fall off.

and from here?
after losing weight in peru and bolivia, i put some on in argentina. but i am not too worried about that.
you need support. its a fact. i have joined weight watchers again with emma and her sister mandy. i have talked dan into joining les mills gym with me and i'm excited about their body combat classes. i even bought an exercycle for home and i still have my yoga dvds.
and i keep a food and training diary.
other than that, the rules are simple :
1. put less in. eat about 6 times a day but dont eat more than you need.
2. exercise more than you want to. my office is on the 5th floor. i hate the stairs but theres 100 of them and now i dont notice it until the 4th floor. soon it will be the 5th.
3. i'm not on a diet. i am in control of what i eat.
4. every day i tell myself i am fabulous. if i dont believe it, it doesnt matter what i look like - no one else will either.

its ongoing. some days are easier than others.
and i have my friends to thank for a lot.